Advent Children As Told By Yazoo
by Scitzo and Psyco
Summary: Turkey heads and braided hair. This is the story of Advent Children told by the only honest person in the entire movie Yazoo. For my favorite Yazoo fan, Jess! Please Read! updated Augest 7
1. Chapter 1

Advent Children: As Told By Yazoo

By Scitzo and Psycho

Disclaimer: Psycho: _excited_ "I haven't been around for a while and may I say how _wonderful_ it is to be back!" Scitzo: _happy/scared_ "I don't think I want her around…she'll probably knaw on my arm when I'm not looking. By the way this story is a BIRTHDAY fic for my friend: Jessica (Psycho: SLYTHERIN RULES ) This is a LOT late but I hope you enjoy Yazoo in all his 'sexyness' (Psycho: ewww!) Sephiroth is better by the way. We do not own these charactors or brand names that pop up in this story. See ya!

--Please Revew!--

* * *

It all began when Loz told me he wanted to braid my hair.

Well, not really, but at some point in this whole "ordeal" he mentioned it…THREE TIMES!

One day Kadaj got it in his head that our 'stepbrother' knew where our mother was. Honestly, I think he flipped his lid. It was obvious that that bald headed chump and turkey-head knew more than they let on.

After scaring the living daylights out of our stepmother and stealing our life savings we realized we needed a 'mode of transportation.' When Kadaj brought home three motorcycles Loz and I had other opinions.

"But I wanted a tricycle!" Loz whined

"And couldn't you have splurged and gotten us Fenir models? You got us _Hondas!_ Sexy men do _not_ ride HONDAS! I Want a Fenir!"

"Too bad. There's a non trade-in clause in the contract and I'm not paying 3,000 gil so you can get a Fenir or so _he_ can get a tricycle. Seriously Loz, a _tricycle?_ Where would your tough-guy image go if someone saw you on one of those?"

Now that we had our mode of transportation, something crossed my mind, "Where will we find mother dearest anyway?"

"We will find our fowl-haired brother and _he _will find mother for us."

"Do you mean turkey-head or Chocobo-head?"

"Chocobo-head of course. He's mother's delinquent son."

"Is turkey-head even related to our cousins?" Loz wondered.

"He reminds me of a fire cracker with ADHD on speed."

"Who got drunk last night…" Loz added

"And set fire to baldy's pants."

"…That was funny." Loz laughed and I muttered, "Who cares anyhow?"

"To Midgar!" Kadaj shouted and ran into the closet.

"Uh, brother? The door is _that_ _way_." I said.

"Right. I knew that. I just needed to get the camping gear."

"…what camping gear? We don't have camping gear."

"LOZ! I gave you money to get camping gear. What did you spend it on?" Kadaj shouted to our soft-hearted brother.

"I got mommy candy!"

… "You spent 300 gil on _candy_?"

"Mommy will be so proud of me!"

I muttered, "Mommy thinks you're a big dummy head."

Loz's eyes brimmed with tears, "Nuh uh! Mommy didn't say that! Tell him Kadaj! Mommy doesn't think I'm a big dummy head, does she?"

"Of course not…I don't get good reception from Mother in hear let's go outside so I can hear her better."

They exited and Kadaj said, "Loz, Mother says to wash your hair and too much candy will make you fat."

"Tell Mommy I said 'Hi!'"

Ugh. This would be a long, _LONG_ trip. "Ugh, let's go to Midgar."


	2. Leaving For Midgar

Advent Children: As Told By Yazoo

By Scitzo and Psycho

Chapter 2: Leaving For Midgar

A/N: Thanks to Jessica, xxKitsuneTenshixx, Redhead Turk, delavega, Lady Lilliana, FuschiaFinn, Anonymous Laughter, Ryu the youkai, Neo-Nebula for reviews. I love you guys and if I forgot anyone I'm sorry! Please review!

A/N2: I am sorry for this chapter I don't know if any of you are fond of the color Pink, if you are please replace pink with any color you feel is evil.

* * *

Leaving for Midgar take 1

Amidst much chaos and general mayhem it seemed as if the three brothers were ready to depart.

Until…

"Uh…guys…" When Loz said I knew the craziness was about to begin

"_What?" _Kadaj and I said

"I forgot to wear underwear this morning." Loz confessed sheepishly

"What the!" Kadaj and I said in unison. The next thing I knew I was shivering involuntarily at the thought of my brother without his boxers on. Or was it briefs? I'd never really cared to check. Either way it was still a very discomforting thought.

"Okay" conceded Kadaj "…But be quick about it!"

I could tell something was getting to Kadaj. It could have been Mother. Nah. It must have been his breakfast. I've told him several times: sugar puffs swimming in chocolate milk and a glass of soda, is definitely _NOT_ a part of a balanced breakfast.

15 minutes later…

"My God Loz! It can't take this long to put on a pair of underwear!" I shouted

From inside the giant shell house that Kadaj had deemed our base. I could hear Loz rummaging around "I'm looking for my lucky underwear! You know the ones with the pink bunnies and rainbows on 'im."

Kadaj and I were thinking the same thing. _He has lucky underwear!_

Later after Loz emerged wearing underwear, or at least I hope he was. As to if they were his 'lucky' ones or not I didn't really want to know.

* * *

Leaving for Midgar take 2

Well… after that little distraction we were ready to go until I reached into my bag and found that something very important was missing.

"STOP!"

"What Now!" said Kadaj irritably

"What's a matter Yazoo? Did you forget wear underwear too?" said Loz

"No you idiot!' I almost forgot my hair ties."

"Can't you just live without them? We're only going to gone a week." Said Loz

"No I can't!" I yelled "Do you have any idea how much my hair tangles if I don't put it back at night?" I asked rhetorically. I guess it's true what thy say, what gives you pleasure gives you pain.

"Hurry Up!" shouted Kadaj, I think mother was yelling in his ear at this point.

I ran inside and found my ring of hair ties. I got back to my bike as fast as I could I didn't want to see Kadaj get any more upset. I am very proud of my collection, I have hair ties every color of the rainbow except pink. Pink is evil.

* * *

Leaving for Midgar take 3

Finally we were read to go. The bikes roared to life and we sped off. I watched as the trees passed by and kinda lost track of things until I noticed that there should have been two bikes in front of me but there was only one…"HEY! LOZ SLOW DOWN WE LOST KADAJ!" I shouted trying to be heard over the sound of the engine.

So Loz and I doubled back to the shell house, and got there in just in time to see Kadaj come out. He had this look on his face that says _My Pet Hamster Just Died_ but he doesn't have a hamster so it had to be something else. Kadaj held up a threadbare teddy bear. "I almost forgot Mr. Fuzzy…" he said. At that moment I wanted to walk back into the kitchen and take a skillet nap.

"Whatever let's go."

* * *

Later outside Midgar… Finally

"Hey Kadaj, is that were big brother lives?" I asked

"Yeah."

"Do think he'll be happy to see us?" I asked again my voice hopeful

But as if he read my mind he said, "Not a chance, and he's not going to let you ride his Fenir either."

I looked down at my seat but I heard Loz say "Don't cry Yazoo."

"But Mother's with him?" it was more of a statement than a question."

"Maybe not." said Kadaj

I heard Loz start to whine "Don't cry Loz."

"Look! He's coming!" said Kadaj

Kadaj nodded his head, Loz and I knew what that meant _Get Him!

* * *

_

End of chapter 2

A/N3: next chapter is the bike chase but I not good at writing action scenes. So ideas on how to write it would be most helpful. See you soon!


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